Celebrity Rant Part Two: Celebrities Famous for Really Weird Reasons

Now moving from rappers to celebrities-famous-for-really-weird-reasons. Let us take a look at a classic example: Paris Hilton. Why is Paris Hilton famous? Let's see. She's beautiful.... she's rich.... umm.... hold on...beautiful...rich...shit...I know there was something else... oh yea!! SHE GOT FUCKED ON CAMERA. That's right, I knew it was something bizarre. So... here's a woman so rich her Daddy wrapped her presents in hundred dollar bills as a child and she is famous for no apparent reason: I mean, she models and sells shit, but why does that make her famous? She didn't make any of it. Her family's fucking wealthy and she's on the cover of every magazine every week involved in something.
So one day, Paris wakes up next to incredibly well-endowed boy-friend and says, "Hmm... I'm fucking famous. But even I'm smart enough to realize that there is no real reason for me to be so famous - I mean, shit I sure as hell can't act and my only catch phrase is, 'That's hot.' Someday people are going to realize that I shouldn't be on the cover of these stupid magazines every week and I'm going to be as unimportant as every other billionaires' grand-daughter. What to do... what to do..."
At this point, her incredibly well-endowed boy-friend, who has already lit up his bong and is fast on his way to Neverland, has a briliant idea. "Let's fuck," he says and then busts up laughing because honestly, the word fuck is really hilarious when your high off your ass.
Paris realizes that her idiot boyfriend's remedy for his raging boner has provided her with a way to save her career. "Brilliant! What a clever and well-composed suggestion for the salvation of my career!" she exclaims. At least, that's what she would have said if she had graduated high-school. Actually, all she said was, "That's hot." The following video-taped festival of love, known as One Night in Paris proved to be the solution for Paris Hilton's dying career, thus making her the most famous of the Celebrities Famous for Really Weird Reasons.
I think the second most famous celebrity for areally weird reasons is Jessica Simpson. Think about it: What is she best known for? Being an idiot. That's right. Jessica Simpson, gorgeous and decently intelligent in real life, I'm sure, is famous because on her well-loved show The Newlyweds she is a complete jackass. If you were to take all the idiots in the world and have them take any kind of test and have Anna Nicole Smith set the grading curve and then have all the people who scored below a 50% on that scale get together and do their best at creating a brain, I guarantee you that that brain would be smarter than Jessica Simpson is on her show. Seriously. I say "than Jessica Simpson is on her show", because that is all it really is. She's not that stupid, fuckers, she's an actor. Its not reality, because no one is that stupid in reality. She is adorably stupid and people love her for it. And I love the fact that only in America can you be famous for being a complete idiot.